he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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