1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
