I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
