Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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