If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
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