i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
