Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Panties = found
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