I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
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Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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