You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
