she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
A+ Viking dick
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