Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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