sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
