We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
