What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
