Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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