You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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