barbara walters just said penis...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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