That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
