you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
