I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The power of my boobs compel you
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
