What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My Sexting was not on an AP level
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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