You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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