he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
