My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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