imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
