I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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