I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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