So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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