i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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