Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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