watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
