Life is so much better after having sex.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
