On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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