her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
