I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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