I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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