i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
As shirtless as possible
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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