I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I enjoy the company of your penis
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
