low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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