Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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