Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
