She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
