I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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