Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
