I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
