after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
