My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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