Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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