Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
