So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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