Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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