"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
pray to the hookup gods
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
