Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
