So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
