No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
