We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
