Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i think i just lost a toe
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
