If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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