my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
