never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
