I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
