is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
