Michael Bay diarrhea
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize