just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
