you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
