Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
