So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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