Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
