You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
